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Post by shelly on Sept 1, 2014 23:25:36 GMT
Hi im shelly im 27 I have a bf for about 7months he recently came out and told me he is also seeing a bi girl and he wants both of us....now fisrt thing that comes to mind is he want a 3some .....but thats not the case ...he wants to just be about to love us equally the same....and everyone to be in agreement. ...for me and the bi girl ..we are friendly. ...now im curious about being with her....without him sexually. ..I never experimented with a female before ....but I feel strangely comfortable being in this relationship. ..even if there is ntn between me and her
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Post by Dani on Sept 2, 2014 2:44:38 GMT
Hello, Shelly! Congratulations on the new relationship, I hope everything is well and you're happy with the new dynamic. It sounds like a polyamorous 'V' formation or a polygynous relationship (Though, less restricted . Have you talked to his partner about experimenting/having a sexual relationship or encounter? That would probably be the best place to start. It can be exciting and frightening finding out about these feelings and accepting them, especially if you've never had any experience with having them before - but, that's perfectly OK and normal (I remember my first experience with a girl, I didn't have a clue what was going on! Only knew it felt good). The best advice is to take things slow, if she's up for it try exploring each other. Have a bath together, or something else that is sensual that can help you relax and try to enjoy the experience. Is there anything specific you'd like to know about being with a girl? I may be able to help with some of the technical! Cheers, Dani
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esarosa
New Member
Really excited to make new friends in the poly community :)
Posts: 16
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Post by esarosa on Sept 3, 2014 19:48:56 GMT
Hi Shelly!
Dani said all of the good basic stuff, so I second all of that lol. Just for comparison, Dragon, Kitten, and I are an emotional triad, but she and I don't have sex very often, not for lack of attraction, but even though we both identify as bi we tend to prefer guys for our jollies. The big thing to remember about poly and poly relationships is that they are always in a state of flux and constantly evolving. What may start out as a "Poly-V" (you and she are dating him but not each other) may eventually be a full blown triad if everyone hits it off. The most important thing to keep in mind is to be open and honest about how you feel, and be receptive to the other people in the relationship's feelings as well. If there's no communication it all comes to a screaming stop.
Take care, ~Esa
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Post by Tony Ravenscroft on Dec 30, 2020 20:20:09 GMT
I know, it's six years ago, but here's what I would have said.
Shelly, you bought into one thing, and then he sold you another and expects that you'll go along with it because (1) that's what HE wants, and (2) it plays to sexual fantasies you never previously possessed.
He began the relationship with dishonesty, and without regard for what YOU might want or need. How does that make you feel? If your best friend came to you with an identical situation, how would you advise HER to handle it?
Now, in order to hang onto him, you are talking yourself into playing to his fantasies. How does that fit in with what YOU want?
Look up a discussion of the sunk cost fallacy -- Once you begin that behavior, it becomes self-supporting and you are at risk of giving ground an inch at a time --
How will you feel when he decides that he wants to add another sexual partner, or that he is done with your "girlfriend" and perhaps you therefore are too?
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