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Post by Dani on Sept 3, 2014 18:28:21 GMT
Hey! I thought it would be fun/interesting to share how we discovered polyamory/non-monogamy, and what it was like going through that process. For us (Bee, Anna and myself), it was through sexual exploration. We opened the relationship up (swinging, add someone in for fun on occasion) and had a blast doing so. If was a bit bumpy at first dealing with feelings of jealousy and trying to understand the new dynamic but it quickly became a norm. Anna, now my our girlfriend, was one of the first people we met when opening up the relationship. We always had a lot of fun, and soon after it became not 'just a bedroom thing'. We'd go out for drinks, do movie nights, dates, ect. We all just kind of fell in love with each other! It was difficult admitting that at first, it was new and we didn't really know how to feel about it. After a lot of talking a soul searching, we decided we all wanted to give the triad a chance - and it was a great decision It hasn't always been easy, but I love being with them. Going on 4 years being in this Triad and living together!
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esarosa
New Member
Really excited to make new friends in the poly community :)
Posts: 16
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Post by esarosa on Sept 3, 2014 19:43:17 GMT
For Dragon and I, it was a weird amalgamation of me coming out as bi, feeling like we were in a rut with each other, and the fact that we have both been members of the furry fandom for several years where polyamory is one of the least "bizarre" things we run into. These days we have Kitten that we date together and I have Wolfsky somewhat to myself (they have another significant other that has been a part of their life for quite some time).
I'm hoping to convince Kitten to get an account here herself so she can give some insight to her side of things lol.
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Post by Dallas on Sept 3, 2014 19:45:58 GMT
Mostly discovered it after seeing a close friend became part of a triad and seeing how they've been going strong for a few years now. Did a little bit of looking about to get info, but at the time (a couple years ago until earlier this year) felt it was odd and not for me. Didn't fully get it. Only a couple or so months ago did I start to feel more open-minded about it and open to more possibilities for myself. I'm not 100% sure I'm poly, but I'm certainly poly-curious!
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Post by pauliamorous on Sept 4, 2014 2:51:24 GMT
I think most identities are built from bits and pieces of one's life experience, so I imagine my discovering that aspect of my character as organizing a whole host of experiences into a single category where so many of them fit so well. I went to a panel of polyamorous individuals and their life experience spoke to me because I felt the same things they did, and all of the confused questions from monogamous people showed me how I have a completely different way of looking at and understanding relationships.
Also I realized I was in love with two people. That helped a bit too.
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Post by polymike on Sept 4, 2014 5:31:12 GMT
For me it wasn't so much a discovery. I've known about it since I started thinking about social issues, particularly lgbtq issues. I always had to listen to people who would demonize poly relationships as the epitome of a terrible practice. My first instinct was always to ask 'but what makes that wrong?' but at that time I didn't identify as poly. I just didn't really think about it. I had sort of been involved in high school when I was dating a woman but didn't want to have sex with her...I had said she could have sex with other people while she was at school. I didn't become personally involved until my partner (now husband) and I started having relationship issues a few years ago. I was depressed. I had a really low sex drive and we thought opening up the relationship would at least help him and his frustrations. And from there it just developed. We slowly have opened up more and more and it's been great. Difficult but still great
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Post by Kaetzchen on Sept 27, 2014 19:47:17 GMT
Moin ^^
In my relationship it kinda struck us. It all started last year when we met on the RPC and got frinds. On my side I didn't realise I fell in love with Feder and Rabe ( nicknames of my Girlfriend and Boyfriend), untill thy got into a relationship with eachother and jealousy struck on my side. It is kind of nasty, when you feel it to both people you fancy at the same time. And at the same time we weren't able to stop flirting. After a view month we had to figure out how to go on from this point. In the end Rabe took it in his hands. (That he would get popcorn, if Feder and me would start something, was an old joke at this time).
After this night we had to figure out what we wanted. And in the end we said we would try it as a triad, since we didn't wanted to seperate.
So we got poly
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Post by Tony Ravenscroft on Sept 2, 2018 16:59:50 GMT
Okay, what the heck. I was born into a sprawling family in a far rural area. It's difficult to describe briefly, but basically we talked A LOT, we regularly visited each other, and we weren't shy about expressing affection. If people had disagreements, they got hashed out, sometimes in public. I can't remember EVER seeing jealousy or such insecurities. In the early '70s, I saw some NBC news segment about two Yuppie couples who'd formed a group marriage. The story was handled in a straightforward manner, and I was impressed that they had the guts to tell their story on national TV. But the relationship made perfect sense to me, a "well, duh" moment. When I read SiaSL, the nonmonogamy didn't even get my attention. Off to college, my first lover became upset because she couldn't decide whether she wanted to be with me or Dave. He was an okay guy; we wound up starting a couple of bands together and being roommates. So it seemed natural enough when I looked at her and said, "Why do you need to choose?" Though I desired her endlessly (especially the sex), it's not as though we could be together ALL the time, being in college and all. That was 1977. Since then, I've never gone into a relationship without the other person(s) knowing that I'm not monogamous and really have never been.
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Post by oldandjaded on Dec 12, 2018 1:40:26 GMT
By living a long and interesting life, and keeping an open mind...
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Post by moniar on Mar 6, 2019 2:55:49 GMT
Hey admin! Was always into trying those sort of things, and so when i was 16 and i found a girl who was also openminded, i proposed an open relationship and she said yes. While in that relationship i started to like other girls too and flirting etc, and i realised this is my path. A few months later i also met a poly, and he told me lots of stuff about how to do it, what that life is like and he really inspired me to live life the way i want to.
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Post by chasewanta88 on Feb 2, 2022 22:40:33 GMT
For me Rose, Dianne and Lauren, I broke up with two of them and we decided to get back together in an open relationship before the four of us decided to all be together
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up8
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by up8 on Feb 4, 2022 23:25:59 GMT
Between marriage and cohabitation my partner have been together for more than 25 years. In terms of being committed and companionate our relationship is great. Passion is lacking though.
I was able to live that way for a really long time but last summer I had an awakening and felt a need for change. It became pretty clear that she might not be able to respond to me in the way that I want and that she certainly doesn't have the urgency and motivation for change that I do. I also had no interest in leaving because life is alright in so many ways, I am deeply attached to this person, I don't think she deserves to be alone because she isn't sexually responsive. If I did leave I figure I'd be broken up for a long time and might very well end up breaking up with the next person I meet once the new relationship energy runs out. As it is she knows it would be totally unfair to not let me have something just because she doesn't want it and she knows we are securely attached enough that it doesn't have to be a threat to our relationship.
I have trouble with feeling unlovable because of being bullied in elementary school and then experiencing sexual invisibility in high school and college. As it is my wife is highly supportive, not just consenting with me finding more relationships but actually helping me out (say by helping me gather flowers on my farm for somebody I want to seduce.) We were talking the other day about how it was just a matter of time before I was going to be really broken up over somebody and I'd be crying on her shoulder.
On one hand it's taking some time for me to find a lover, but the good news is that we're getting a lot of experience that indicates we are on the right track. Years ago I was working somewhere and thought this girl who worked in another office was really cute and noticed her looking at me whenever I walked by. I told my wife I wanted to go on a date with her and said "go ahead". It was really fun to see how happy this girl was to see me walk in one day and of course she said "yes" and I am grateful to my wife for letting me to do this.
I had some misadventures in looking for a lover this fall but the experience was a "dry run" for how being poly is going to affect our relationship, what sort of emotions I expect to experience and such. We started using the term "polyamory" a few months ago when we went to a party where a woman who might have had too many glasses of wine was acting provocative towards me and a friend and using the p-word. It's kinda stuck.
I was kinda hesitant to seek out other poly people because I didn't find all the spokespeople for it to seem that welcoming to me (including a person on this board who wrote a book about it) but my therapist was telling me that I really ought to do that so I broke down and did it. (It took some work but amazingly I was able to convince her that my wife really didn't mind me seeing other women and that my wife actually is happy when she sees I am happy)
In the past 8 months or so I have been doing a lot of study on love, relationships, attraction, seduction and the related. I can talk a really good game now but I am needing to make it practical. For a while I've been struggling with little hostile things I do that come out of my history of feeling unlovable, but I think I've actually gotten a lot better.
If an opportunity for a casual encounter came along I would certainly take it but I am much more interested in making the most of new relationship energy, I think there is no way you are going to get the most sexually out of somebody from one encounter and it seems that cultivating shared interests, getting to know somebody deeply and all that is going to make for a much better time. If I had to put it into a few words to sell to someone it would be "want to have a love affair like an 18th century aristocrat?" but I'm not sure if people know what that is supposed to mean or if they think it is too hard or intellectually intimidating or something.
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