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Post by shellycurious on Sept 6, 2014 19:57:19 GMT
My poly relationship didnt start of perfect nor is it ....but my bf other gf ...has a sudden wicked jealously spell ...and now is not talkin to me ....because she feels he loves me more.... and is forsing him to choice which he refusing to do....but it still affect us because... to keep the peace I told her we where over n he did also ...but we're not ... how can we get her to understand that..we all love eash other ...not me and her but we love the same man ...and is all bout being happy
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Post by BlackBird on Sept 8, 2014 13:18:04 GMT
The bottom line is - you can't get her to understand. It has to be her choice. Jealousy is a completely normal emotion and it doesn't make you a horrible person if you occasionally feel jealousy in a poly relationship. However, how one chooses to ACT on that jealousy makes all the difference. My advice would be to have an open and honest discussion - all three of you - about what you want out of the relationship. Maybe your boyfriend isn't spending enough time with his other girlfriend. Maybe she isn't dealing effectively with her own feelings of jealousy. Maybe the two of you are polyamorous, but she really isn't. These are the things you need to discuss, and sooner is far better than later.
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Post by devomy on Sept 8, 2014 16:01:24 GMT
An important thing to remember is that you don't necessarily have to love someone more, just differently. I'm sure we've all at least heard the 'you love your kids equally but differently' argument in favor of polyamory, if not used it ourselves. And it's certainly true. But what I've learned through personal experience is that one has to follow up words with similar actions. Sometimes a partner feels left out or not as valued because she/he doesn't feel like she/he gets the right balance of attention, or because of some misunderstanding. Has your boyfriend made sure to set aside dedicated one-on-one time for both you and her? Has he and her talked about why she feels that you are loved more? More often than not, a simple and honest conversation will go a long way toward fixing problems.
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Post by polymike on Sept 8, 2014 20:44:32 GMT
As both Blackbird and devonmy have said I think the best way to handle any situation is an open, honest discussion. Find out why she is feeling jealous. That being said I also think you should avoid lying. Faking a break up can be pretty devastating to her as well. The whole point is to be open about your relations, so don't go around hiding it from your partner.
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Post by shellycurious on Sept 9, 2014 2:53:51 GMT
Thanks guy for your advice I will talk to my bf about it...and have a conversation about it with both of us about her feelings...I hope this helps
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Post by pauliamorous on Oct 2, 2014 0:06:24 GMT
So I also have a problem with jealousy. My partner Amy and I have been functionally monogamous because we fell in love before I realized I was poly, but now I know that I love other people. One of them is coming to visit in a month, just for a day, and it's stressing the both of us out. I don't think combatting jealousy will be easy for her and neither of us really knows how to navigate it well. I was wondering if any of you have advice for me on helping her deal with jealousy, or any other advice for this type of situation.
Thanks.
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Post by devomy on Oct 8, 2014 14:38:17 GMT
Most importantly, communicate. It may not sound like it will solve much at first, but sometimes just talking about it will make everyone feel a little better. Additionally, there might be some things that you can do something about. I know one big problem when my significant other's boyfriend would come down for a weekend was that she would get so lost in him that it would feel like she forgot about me at times. She, of course, didn't realize it seemed like that, and a simple conversation solved much of the problem just by letting her know what was going on.
Planning for some things (making sure to do some things with her too, set some time aside to talk in case problems arise, etc.) is always a great step. And if things do go wrong or something happens, sitting down and talking it put is key. Of coirse, we're all also here to help with advice or anything you might need.
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