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Post by I need advice on Nov 30, 2016 21:02:58 GMT
I have a cismale partner who has been with me for 5 years. Earlier this year I learned from a friend "J" (in May) that they had sex in February. . I had not yet met "J" at that point. I met "J" in March. My Boy friend just "forgot?" To tell me, or include me at all. And possibly never would have if "J" hadn't brought it up as if I had known. She was under the impression I had known that the whole time. The worst part is that I don't come poly. My partner is poly. I was learning about the lifestyle, and we had found a partner "A", who we both found attraction toward and friendship with. "A" ended up going her own direction shortly. We were with her from Jan-April. Anyway, I feel hurt and now distrust welcoming anyone else in. Even him. I don't know if it's open communication anymore. How do I let go of the hurt? Do I trust him again? Tl:Dr. My poly boyfriend cheated, learned it from the girl he slept with. He claims he forgot. I'm unsure of how to be poly with him ever again... Advice?
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Post by Tony Ravenscroft on Dec 7, 2020 1:47:50 GMT
Why, yes -- it WOULD be lovely to have a Moderator around here.
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Post by Tony Ravenscroft on Dec 30, 2020 20:39:13 GMT
You have already said that you do not consider yourself polyamorous, though you seem willing to consider accepting that side of him. That can often work out quite well, so long as everyone is open and honest about their feelings and actions.
Polyamory REQUIRES that everyone involved be open and honest about their feelings and actions. Otherwise, it is NOT polyamory.
Your "partner" has been neither open nor honest. Therefore, he is not polyamorous.
He talked you into courting a woman as "your third." During that courtship, he "accidentally" slipped and his penis happened to fall into yet another woman.
If you live in anxiety because you believe you will not be treated better by someone else, and you can accept that he is prone to more "accidents" and will continue to expect that he needs to find "your third," then there's nothing wrong with your continuing down this path.
My personal opinion is that you and "J" would be better off cutting all ties with him, and working with her to find a suitably honest man for a closed vee.
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